We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.

I have been feeling a lot like a third wheel. I have written a letter to N and a myspace message to A detailing how insane and left out and insecure I feel. Theoretically, that is what this is for, however I needed a human response. I don't have any friends up here and I feel Wendell and Topher simply wouldn't understand. I know Topher thinks I am rather strange for the reasons I employ for being antisocial, but that is just me.

I can't abide by feeling like I am not intelligent when I am around Topher and Wendell. They speak about things that I either do not understand, cannot understand or simply do not want to understand. They reference Fururama quite a bit (leaving me in the dark as I do not care for much TV), speak about physics and crosswords and generally leaving me with a dumbed down feeling that I do not really care for. At times it feels rather disrespectful. Which is weird as I never seem to feel disrespected. I feel like a third wheel in their conversations and as such, I feel like a third wheel here. I don't stay up until five (gotta work around 7!), watch much Futurama, hold a conversation about intelligent things (I like what I like and that is why I like it). Nor can I do word puzzles or math puzzles. I do not like playing Mario on the 64 and I like goat cheese. These are all seemingly innocous things that make me feel as if I do not belong.

I have also lost the two people I confide in. I can still talk to them about other things, but obviously I can't talk to them about them. I suppose I should get it out in the open, however I just feel like I would get rediculed or just not understood. I don't feel like I fit with them. And I see how they can not understand that fact, but that's the way it is.

I need Armando, Doofus and Smitharooni here. They're my friends. And I know Armando understands. I don't know if I can make friends here. I don't like making friends and the people at 8437 are a lot nicer and open then at Charlotte.

I don't really know what I am saying but I know what I am saying correlates to how I am feeling. I feel alone, depressed and insecure.

The fact that Topher said I was annoying him today didn't help. Sure I apparently was incessent but for him to not be honest about how he was feeling pisses me off. I know he wasn't feeling okay which is why I asked him. If he is cursing and has somewhat visible road-rage then for fucks sake, he is not okay. And if me asking that he is okay is annoying then why the hell doesn't he tell me?

I want total honesty of the feelings of others, yet keep mine completely concealed.

I want attention and love and hugs and cuddles and kisses. I want to be alone and cry. I also want to sleep and to eat brownies.