I met a girl who sang the blues

My mother took me and my sister to Outback tonight. It was a going away dinner of sorts for me. We had some very interesting conversations and the people sitting behind us glared when they were walking out.

I finally was able to talk to C today. His girlfriend attempted to cut off all methods of communication between us, which has worked. I was able to see him while he was working and we managed to create code words when we speak on the internet. He's an ass and if he really valued our friendship more than sex then we wouldn't have this problem. But he's a pretty interesting guy to hang out with and he was one of my best friends.

I am off of my birth control this week and I am very drained. I am emotionally volatile and I really needed to see Topher tonight. He wasn't up for hanging out and because I manage to keep my voice together while on the phone, he is not aware of my needs. And no, I am not going to be a woman and demand for him to mind read either, but I do wish he was up to seeing me. I suppose it will be easier when we live together and I can just lay my head on his lap, no questions asked, but I must make do for now.

I am rather surprised that this is the first time my crazy has stirred up in a while. The last time it started getting to me was when we were in NC right after I found out Freddy died.

That is still an odd sentence to me. Freddy died. It does not feel as if he died, but rather was wiped out of existence. I do have memories of him, however they feel more like dreams than memories. As if I dreamt him into existence and one day woke up from the dream. My brain can and cannot cope with the thought of him being dead. It feels as if he quit work and moved away. His Myspace and Facebook profiles are still up, unchanged. He has just gone on a soul-searching sabbatical and will one day return. I hope that is all death really is.